+it will never get better if we lay down. sometimes we need to get up and grab God's hand - and fight.

It has to be something deep within our culture or generation. That sounds big, but I have a feeling it is. It’s something that tells us we’re not good enough or worthy or enough or really just enough. And for some reason it make me so mad I want to stand on a ladder and scream and shout and tell everyone that we are incredible and amazing and worth so much more than we are allowing ourselves to see.

Yes, friend,
you are
prettier,
smarter,
funnier,
kinder,
more sociable,
more adaptable,
more put together
than any of those thoughts you’ve been having,
and it’s okay to admit that you’re good at something.

It’s not cocky to realize that you’re talented.
It’s your duty as a talented, gifted individual to use and not hoard those things.

How can we let the devil have such a grip on us to where he can actually put blinders on us to realize who we have been created through Christ. That’s such a sly tactic on his part, and guess what? It’s working. Because we see ourselves as entirely unworthy we behave as unworthy people.

We lack self-confidence, which leads to uncommitted relationships.
We lack self-esteem, which leads to sadness and loneliness.
We lack self-approval, which leads to allowing ourselves to compromise over and over and over again on that weakness of ours.

No explanation necessary, we all can identify that one thing in our lives that we cannot say no to, that we start doing and during we ask ourselves why we cannot stop.

What is so wrong with finding something you love and being passionate about it?
What is so wrong with loving something or someone so much that tears will form when you want to express your feelings?

I want to fight for my friends.
I’m putting my armor on, I’m going to be their front lines.
It breaks my heart to see my friends hurt like they do.
They are broken, torn-up, and so many times their expression of unworthiness stems from nothing but false perspectives.

The Grand Canyon never tells us that it’s just not awesome enough today.
The sun never refuses to rise because it doesn’t think it’s looking good today.
The Smoky Mountains don’t request to be left alone because they think that there are other mountains more worthy of your time.
No, these creations are consistently open, available, and accessible.
Because of it, their stature and beauty is noted a thousand times over.
They are serving their purpose – to reflect the greatness that God can do.
That’s what draws me in to nature – the consistent greatness.
The acknowledgement that God is good.
The realization that beauty is to be embraced and not to be downplayed.
Maybe that is why photography gets me.
It’s capturing the simple things in life –
a laugh, smile, the morning dew, the flicker of candles,
sunlight, hands clasped, a flower –
there is beauty permeating through ever single inch of every photo—
you just have to discover it.

And that’s what life has become for me. Looking for beauty. In steps worthiness.

+thankyouknoxville

does anyone know senator burchett?
he keeps the legislature real. that should be his campaign slogan - 'keepin' it real'
what a funny senator. way to make some sort of joke in every committee.

p.s. the most rewarding feeling is running a 5k at 6am and still getting to your office first - full of endorphins.

+a thousand thoughts, loss for words

it's been a hard week to say the very least.
i haven't even felt like writing or taking pictures - so i know something is up.
i didn't expect adjusting to be this hard, but i'm lucky for a sister who really helps me out. sharon's wonderful.

i also didn't expect my friends to be such an important part of my life. God knew what he was doing when he brought us together, because they are the most thoughtful people in the entire world, i am convinced. taylor joy sarah melissa and emily are consistently week in, month out, anytime you need them: the best. not to mention ybs and amanda who are far-away friends.

i guess we all need a good cry,
the chance to be encouraged,
willingness to accept love,
surrendering to others,
letting our guard down,
being vulnerable,
and being in need.

what tough lessons for me, who tries to be all of those things for other people all of the time. like sharon said, God's just putting me somewhere i'm not comfortable and i can only become stronger for it, right?

i cannot wait for this weekend. what a relief. what a great trip. more later.

"every day it starts again, you cannot say if you're happy. you keep trying to be. try harder, maybe this is not your year. breathe through it, write a list of desires. make a toast, make a wish, slash some tires. paint a heart repeating, don't give up, don't give up, don't give up"
(not your year)

+whod've thought we'd get this far

today is a post-worthy day if there ever was such a day.
president's day means it's a day of not working.
oh my goodness.
i'm not going to even try to be poetic.
this day was the best day i can remember in such a long time,
and i've had a lot of great days lately,
so that's saying something.
i probably did not stop laughing
and/or being 5 years old
from the time taylor entered my room this morning
until the party ended in heron hall after desk duty.
dear God, i love the life you have blessed me with.
i put so much value in the relationships around me,
and it's value well placed.

+wherever you are - be all there

jim elliott was such a free human being.
it's probably because it was his life's work to do God's.
he did not allow his situations and circumstances to affect him the way i am allowing mine to affect me. does that make me a weak person? i feel weak. i feel like i could be doing better.

dear Lord, here i am again,
claiming small truths you've given me
because i refuse to step back and see the bigger picture.
thank you for the things you've put in my life
that i don't understand and don't get just yet.
thank you for being an expert on this whole living thing
and thank you for letting me trust you with my life
because there's no one else that i feel capable of doing that with.
thank you for walking to work with me on below freezing mornings.
thank you for letting me wake up after 2-3 hour nights of sleep.
thank you for the pursuit of friendship my friends have bestowed upon me.
thank you for the laughter that accompanies every night.
thank you for large cups of coffee and for carrots.
thank you for forgiving me when i forget to call you up to hang out with me.
thank you for the warmth that a sunny day brings
and thank you for the beauty that you have created in mankind.
help me to see it and recognize it more regularly. i love you my Jesus.

+gimmeasmile,gimmeawhile,gimmeamile

"cause see, here's the thing...

it might have worked out
and it still might work out,

but i'm not really banking on it.
that'd just be an unexpected surprise.

an unexpected surprise that would change my entire life."

"d,m,d,int"

+the importance of internships

skip and neal use their lunch breaks to put on practical jokes.
today the joke was entitled, "scare the interns while they pick up legislation."
they placed a cell phone on the ground around the corner of a door.
so of course, any conscientious, over-ambitious intern would reach down for it and return it to its rightful owner. well, little did we know that when we reached down for it they would send their motorized rubber rat to scare us.
i definately jumped and sort of shouted.
they definately had a video camera ready.
thanks guys. way to use those lunch breaks.

in other news, i just wrote a constituent letter to a 9 year old boy who is concerned for the protection of polar bears and was asking the senator if there is anything he can do for them.

i wish polar bears lived in nashville, don't you?

+i just don't want you to be sorry you didn't try

...sigh... a big cup of coffeee is sitting next to my right hand as i sit here in the office they have given me at the legislature. i'm watching the senate tax study sub-committee, where my senator has some great points. it's a tuesday full of committee meetings, in addition to being super tuesday and voting.

vague posting is what i do when i have a ton on my mind and no way to articulate it.
this past weekend or really the last 4 to 5 days has been fast. good. and necessary.
long conversations with multiple amazing friends and thinking and learning.
suffice it to say that i'm happy.
so many times i ask God for the ability to 'be myself' and in the last week i have not only been myself, but have also liked who that is.

"here in these deep city lights
girl could get lost tonight
i'm finding every reason to be gone
there's nothing here to hold on to
could i hold you?"

+ode to young-bin song

"i ate that melon like i just got rescued from the desert. it was simply a holy experience..."

"if you're having a bad day, you should get a melon, and eat it (you have to skin it yourself, it's even better."

this was young-bin's advice. and so i decided to take him up on it. and it did make my day better!

+dream job

because i work somewhere i don't enjoy working, daydreaming about my ideal job is a common affair. if i could pick my job today (skill/income not being limiting factors) i would work for national geographic as a photo journalist. hands down. think of it--paid to travel the world and take breathtaking pictures of creation. i cannot even begin to fathom how fulfilling that would be for me. sure, i might get tired of it someday, but think of it! i don't think i would sleep, ever. photography is one of those things that is so fascinating to me that i forget about things like eating, moving, conversing, i just get wrapped up into it and love it. i wish i was better at it, but it's art, and art is intended to express who the artist is, not meet a recognized standard. i wish that taking pictures could help people-save their lives or give them a better future. until i figure how it can do that i'll probably keep on dreaming and keep on being practical. what a shame.