+i belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart

I redesigned the blog this week. I am always redesigning it when I feel like there's enough life change to warrant it.

I also... for the first time in 5 years... changed the title of the blog. There have been lots of times in the past few months (where I feel like a large chapters of my life have ended and where new ones are emerging) that I have felt that maybe this blog, too, should close. But, I love it. I love that when I'm in a down mood, I can read back through the past year, two years, heck, back to the beginning of college, and be moved at how far my life has come in those years - relationships, jobs, events, transformations. So it's staying put. I also have wondered if Devon and I should have a mutual catch-you-up-on-us blogs, but it's not for me. I am me. I am a gal who is constantly comparing myself to others (and I know I shouldn't!) and who needs a little space to just be myself. And compare myself to where I've been. And while I know we'll have a journey of our own, I will never stop being myself. And I want this blog to reflect that .

The rhythm in my life is stabilizing. We made headway on wedding plans, I am learning how to cook, and there is farmer's fresh milk in my fridge.

I still am wrestling with being fully myself. I can blame it on working at my alma mater - a place I grew into the person I am today, but surrounded by people who have seen me through my awkward stages. I can blame it on a need to have others' approval and acceptance. I can blame it on my over-analytical brain or on my lack of self-confidence. But, regardless of where the blame is (points finger at self) it is a reality I'm struggling with and leaning on others to help me navigate.

I am excited to see how this blog change and all the many life changes will intersect. Congratulations readers... this blog has no end in sight!

+may your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground - carry on

I am so fond of birthdays.  It's Sarah's 23rd birthday and I had to miss 21 and 22 due to being in Kansas. Beyond happy to get to be here this year! What a wonderful woman and a wonderful day - I love how smiley she was in every photo I have. So much love. I hope she feels it!

+you're always holding onto stars, I think they're better from afar

"I knew there'd come a day when all was said and done,
And everything I want is everything but gone.
All my big mistakes are bouncing off your wall.
The bottles never break, the sun will never come.
So come on let me in, I will be the sun.
I will wake you up, I'll move slow.
Just open your heart, open up your heart, open up your heart.

I was out on the town, so I came to your window last night.
I tried not to throw stones, but I wanted to come inside."

Today is the first day of classes at Belmont. For the first time since I started as a Kindergartener in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, I'm not on any teacher's roster. I am not heading to any bookstore to purchase books. I'm not double checking balances-due and figuring out if I have the binders and pens and essentials to go back to school. Call it familiarity or call it my security blanket, but I miss it. I know that I'll be back in the classroom one more go around, but for now, it's about supporting the countless students I am lucky to work with in their journeys through another academic year. I am wrestling with so many areas of life these months. Today is also 3 months since I began working at Belmont. I am still settling in a million senses of the phrase. Devon always jokes that our 30's are going to be the best years of our lives. He may be dead on about that. Just like at the end of June, I have a list of topics that I keep jotting in the margins of my notebooks of things I want to write more fully on, but alas, time is so elusive.

Bullet points of life:

• I am up to 16 miles in my marathon training. This coming week is an 18 miler. It's so funny how far bodies can come - (my first 18 mile run). This time in training, I've sustained no injuries. No lingering soreness. I have been eating much better (and much more). I have been stretching, going to personal training for strength conditioning, and the accumulation of running over the past year has made my so much stronger. The Chicago Marathon is in 6 weeks. 
• Kelsey is coming in 5 weeks to experience Nashville (and the Southeast in general) for the first time! She is a grad school kindred-spirit and knowing I get to hear her Minnesotan accent and be around her for a couple of days in TN makes my heart smile.
• I am experiencing womanly guilt because since June I have done no wedding planning. At all. And keep getting asked how wedding planning is going. I don't know, guys. I know we need food. And addresses. And I should sit down and plan. But right now it's much more fun to make dinners together, go on long walks, talk about life, and watch mindless TV show series. 
• I haven't gotten to see my family or friends lately because of the crazy Summer that is nearly passed. It is so ironic that moving back to the city I know and love and that is chock full of people who know me better than anyone would be so absent from my life when my geographical location couldn't be more accessible. Growing up isn't always as glamorous as it seems. Sometimes you can be employed, engaged, and stable... and yet, still feel lonely.
• My job is keeping me on my toes! I am loving the ability to fully commit my mind to one job instead of balancing school and work. It's a blessing that Cody used to always tell me was one I should look forward to. I didn't understand him until now!

+and we've come so far, too far to be so far apart

"Don't let the things you hold on to ever outnumber the things you let go.

Don't let the things you remember ever outnumber the things you live for."

-Josh Ritter, "Tokyo!"

It has been a lovely week and tonight I got to pick up two dear friends from the airport back from their honeymoon. They were so giddy and content - they were finishing each other's sentences, telling story after story of their crazy adventures. The energy they had at the end of a long trip, albeit their honeymoon, was contagious and exciting. The groom lovingly looked at his bride and smiled and it was all just so great to take in- I am so happy to be able to be back in town for moments like this. And there is something about creating new memories that makes me suddenly okay with all that I left behind. I miss people so badly it hurts a lot of days - you cannot recreate that sort of friendship and camaraderie overnight. But there is so much to live for in the here and now - babies and marriages and church and new relationships. I always said it took me 2-3 months to transition...