+and i want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd

Random List of Updates:

1. I re-read some of my ridiculous LiveJournal today. Did anyone else have one of these things? Since like 2002. Or something great like that. I hope that my writing has become better since then, but in someways I still feel like that 9th grader who started journaling her thoughts online. I also have enjoyed reading where I was before and where I am now. Oh dear, journaling is a really great past time.

2. We tried the new coffee shop in The Gulch this morning called Casablanca Coffee . It was nice! $1.00 lattes for their grand opening. I recommend it and want to go back to see what their regular brew tastes like!

3. Random quotes I like lately:
-"There's a kind of tenderness that's only possible in the predawn hours, a blue-gray, lonely tenderness that comes from dim lights and sleepiness and immense quite. A kind of tenderness and a kind of hope. I've always found it hard to feel angry in the half-hour before the sun comes up"

-"Now now, Clare, you musn't let men drive you to mangling the English language, no matter how sweet they are."

4. Kayaking adventure tomorrow. Lots of Nashville goodness this weekend. :)

+i'll try for one ray of sunlight to hold in my hand

Oh, oh the learning never stops! Not even for Summer! This past weekend was exactly what I needed - too much food, really great catch up time with Sarah, and so many new sights and sounds in Jacksonville, Florida! I love the small-town feel of Sarah's neighborhood and that everywhere we went people seemed to know Sarah and her mom, Sheila, owner of Sheila's Cakes and Specialty Treats. Gosh, what a wonderful home to be stationed at for the weekend. The plane flights were a little crowded, but too short to complain. Ah, working through another week and then Lauren gets here Thursday!

+somehow my time got out of my hands

I do not know if this feeling is bound to happen every summer around this time or what, but it's a pretty strong emotion that is inexplicable. It is a strange mix of boredom, apathy, loneliness, frustration, and fear of the unknown that attacks me and just gets me down.

That's what this week has been - me being down. I feel like I have attempted to stay up-beat for those around me and interacting with me, but inside I'm a hurricane. It's not glamorous or fun and a nap has been the only thing appealing to me lately. It's so silly that these emotions come in the midst of glorious friend time--but I've come out the other end so far exhausted and struggling.

Oh dear Lord, give me a renewed sense of energy and love. A second wind is beyond necessary.

"The world through a windshield is careless and cheap. I toss and turn, I can't get to sleep. Counting the hours the day that turn into weeks. I've been wrong, but it's alright. There've been long and lonely nights. I was lost, til I found You. Turn out the light, I'll stay if you want me to." (The New Amsterdams, "Turn Out the Light")

+the bridges that I walk across are weak

There has been little reason for me to be around a computer the past couple of days. The weather has been hitting record lows for July here in Nashville meaning that anytime I can bask in the low to mid 70 degree days we have had, I have been. I cannot remember a week like this since growing up in Pittsburgh.

In addition, Farrin and James have been here (Devon's friends from Indiana) and we have been enjoying some home cooked meals, out to eat meals, and good times with other friends around. With their departure, Adam came, another one of Devon's friends and he'll be here for a couple of days. My friend Erinn is coming this afternoon and staying for a couple of days. After they both leave Wednesday-ish, we'll get a breather and then I'll be heading down to see Sarah!

By the end of this I'll either be extremely energized or ready for a nap. We'll see. These are the last few weeks of summer, so I guess it's just a great way of ending it well.

+true love and high adventure

Everytime I read a book I usually dog-ear 3 or 4 pages that have quotes that make me think, make me laugh, or are just plain witty. I just finished reading William Goldman's The Princess Bride, and thought I should share some of those...

"Buttercup dried her tears and began to smile. She took a deep breath, heaved a sigh. It was all part of growing up. You got these little quick passions, you blinked, and they were all gone. You forgave faults, found perfection, fell madly; then the next day the sun came up and it was over. Chalk it up to experience, old girl, and get on with the morning. Buttercup stood, made her bed, changed her clothes, combed her hair, smiled, and burst out again in a fit of weeping. Because there was a limit to just how much you could lie to yourself."

"However, it should be noted, in fairness to all, that (1) he did weep; (2) her eyes did not remain precisely dry; (3) there was more than one embrace; and (4) both parties admitted that, without any qualitfications whatsoever, that they were more than a little glad to see each other. Besides, (5) within a quarter of an hour, they were arguing."

"I'm not trying to make this a downer, understand. I mean, I really do think that love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops. But I also have to say for the umpty-umpth time, that life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all."

+midnight at the shoreline, fireworks above us

Oo, lovely! Music can now be heard (on shuffle) when you visit my blog! The playlist is just a taste of me learning to use the site, but so far, it makes me smile to hear whatever song comes up. Enjoy!

+even the stars sometimes fade to gray even the stars hideaway

I just got back from vacation with the family at Hilton Head Island in South Carolina! I have never been to the southern portion of the Atlantic Ocean and it was quite a lovely experience - especially with my family, dad's brother's family and my Grandma. Other than just being able to relax and to take some time off of work, there were beach walks, tennis playing, kayaking, dolphin watching, mini-golfing, and laying out at the pool to enjoy. I also read non-stop (it felt like) and ate at some amazingly yummy restaurants. This week I've felt pretty refreshed and just downright excited about returning a few hours south to the lovely state of Florida next week! What a great experience!

+do the best you can and that won't go unseen

Devon is more productive than me this summer. He's actually taking classes, and so, since first term was almost over and I was about to leave for vacation, it only seemed right to bake a mint chocolate chip cake! Mmm, mmm, good!

+we both agreed the final moment

So we climbed up here so we can hide from everything,
from all the lies that we've lived beneath.
Let's pick up where we left off.
Let's string up everything that we've
been afraid of we've been living under,
we've been taught to remember
and let's learn how to love.
Come hide up here with me thinking it up is making it real
you create the scene, you've lived in for years.
It's scary to think what some lies will make you believe
(Rocky Votolato, "Where We Left Off")

+the catch 22s are all catching up with you

Food, food, food. There has been a recent push to put out much more literature on how our food is made, where it comes from, how it affects us, and giving us more facts. It is an interesting trend and one that I am very pleased about learning while I'm still in my 20's. For some reason I have been sucked into the articles, books, films, and studies that are coming out. Four films that I watched in the past couple of weeks have been helpful enough to give my mind tons to think about.

Also, I visited Long John Silver's today and got a kids meal. After eating 3/4th of it with a cup of water, I felt a little sloshy. After 4 hours I still felt sick to my stomach. I drank two cups of water, ate a couple handfuls of fresh blueberries and a large cup of plain tea. I now feel alright, but know I will probably not be frequenting LJS's for quite some time. There is something about eating healthy consistently that makes your body recognizes toxins again.

Food, Inc.
Director, Robert Kenner, 2009
Mostly I feel like Food, Inc. was a great look at the veil that is placed over our food that we are able to purchase at a grocery store. I have been reading The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan for ResLife because it is the Freshmen common read book for the fall. Pollan was interviewed for the documentary and many of themes of his book were addressed in the film. For me, it was fascinating to see the governmental policies and exactly where food I eat is processed and how unnatural it all can be. It has encouraged me in the past couple of weeks to learn about the options I have living here in Nashville. I have been able to eat fruits and veggies that were picked and grown locally and I have been much choosier about the meat I purchase. I have even been second guessing eating Lean Cuisines and sodas and things that I liked because they were low-calorie foods, but now I don't really know where the meat came from or how many steps it took to put all those ingredients into a little frozen meal.

Killer At Large: Why Obesity is America's Greatest Threat
Director, Steven Greenstreet, 2008
Oh gosh, another eye-opener. Killer at Large showed how many ways that food affects our lives and how so many times we do not even realize how many areas we are attacked from. A main focus was on school food - school lunches, vending machines. I started to think about what I ate in middle school. My favorite middle school meal? Chicken fingers, mashed potatoes, chocolate milk, and 3 chocolate chip cookies. And of course there were sodas and vending machines available, but all of that never bothered me. I never even made the food to weight gain connection. But I do remember being significantly overweight in middle school. What changed it for me? Liking sports. Playing tennis with my dad. Taking walks with my friends. This led to wanting to run a little bit to see if I could. Being an overachiever, one thing spurred another and I wanted to join a school sports team. I felt the affect of food so much - a fatty lunch meant a tough practice. A healthy, reasonable lunch meant a productive, energy-packed practice. Good food choices like not drinking soda and eating less desserts just came naturally. As I got older I realized these choices meant a better figure and better heart health. But what if I had never joined sports? What if I had never decided to train for Cross Country? What if I was never motivated enough to do so? This movie got me thinking. I rememeber when we took vending machines out of our high school and when they outlawed saturated fats (somehow french fries weren't reduced...).

Other than school food, they discussed who is really responsible? Advertisers? Big business? Parents? Personal choice? Do any of these people hold full responsibility? Who is to blame? Does it really just come down to personal choice and discipline?

The final thing that took me aback was that the Surgeon General from 2002-2006 was actually censored as to what he could tell Americans. So much scandal that was under the table. Other shocking fact? 61% of military men and women are overweight. National security threat?

King Corn
Director, Aaron Woolf, 2009
I liked the charting of the corn calendar - good documentary for the unknowledgeable corn consumer. Really the same question just kept repeating over and over in my head -- "why do Americans think quantity is so important?" Yes, profit. But to what end? What are we really after? What are we so convinced that money will buy us? Why does our government have such a strong grip on all agriculture? Why do we allow it to continue?

Super Size Me
Director, Morgan Spurlock, 2004
The first time I saw this film was in a health course in college. It documents Morgan Spurlock's 30-day McDonald's binge coupled with no exercise. Besides the inevitable gross feeling you get from watching someone eat fat, sugar, starch, and processed synthetic 'food', it is a well-documented account with medical professionals weighing in. In 30 days, he gained 20 pounds and sent all levels of his moderatly good health into high risk for disease territory. I am still in shock at the amount of mood swings, depression, exhaustion, lack of sexual desire, and lethargy that Morgan incurred just by eating poorly. Many of the same facts were introduced that all of these documentaries seem to be focusing on - big business, mass production, food addictions are all getting America into an undesirable predictament.

+and lately i've been living on my own

+you said the city has a beating heart

I have a crush on the Nashville Farmer's Market. I've been twice in two days and I just keep wanting to go back. The farmers are helpful and entertaining, and there's something about biting into a fresh blueberry or peach or snapped pea and knowing the hands that picked it that make the whole experience of eating a lot more satisfying. I am not naive enough to think that my bread and my meat are not quite homemade and I am still learning where they come from and making better choices. One step at a time. I do feel like I am helping by buying locally. I do feel like I am eating healthier by buying locally. I also just really enjoy the whole experience - purchasing to preparing to cooking to eating. I will definately miss it this fall when I move back into a residence hall.

I'll be at the market on 4th of July at 11am for a free veggie sampling and local music. If you'd like to join me let me know! Hooray for locally grown food from sustainable farms that envision sustaining Nashville's food demand one day!