Tuesday, March 31, 2009

+step, step right over the line and onto borrowed time

I wanted to blog about cool gadgets that make my life a little more fun, however, those gadgets had a mind of their own. My lovely blue Camelbak water bottle decided to snap yesterday. I went to Cumberland Transit this morning and purchased a new one. Then, I came home to snap a picture of it and my 50mm lens (only 3 months old) decided to fall apart as well.

Now, don't get me wrong, I do not need these things to survive. Sadly though, I am quite dependent upon them and all in all it makes me sad.

this may work!
i will try the minute i get back...

annnnd it did.
now it just makes an odd clicking noise!!! but it's better than nothin :)

Monday, March 30, 2009

+when the morning light starts streaming in, i'll get up and do it again

Day 36 of lent. No closer to enlightenment. Much closer to understanding what it means to daily desire time with God. It's like when you start drinking water consistently and you forget for a day -- your body does not let you forget. I felt crippled last night because I was too distracted and busy to sit down and just allow God to help me, and I know that is all that is necessary. Prayer really does wash away bitterness, frustration, misunderstandings, and worries. It is nice to know that. However, there is so much stubborness I need to still give up. There is so much more vulnerability that I need to allow myself to have with others. Particularly friendships. I have been hurt. But who hasnt!! It is selfish to think I am the only one that struggles and I need to just be open. Best advice I've heard lately is just to Let Go.

Friday, March 27, 2009

+did you catch the twilight on your way into work?

I have narrowed my Grad School search down to 6 universities. This feels so much like applying to Undergrad, only this time I actually know the program that I would like to attend! I am excited about making some visits starting this Summer and hopefully only applying to maybe 3 of them? We will see.

If anyone would like to suggest a school to me, please do!
If you would like to road trip with me, also let me know - c'mon you know you want to go to Kansas, Georgia, Indiana, Arizona, South Carolina, or Colorado!!! :)

Gosh I don't want to leave Belmont. I'm still so in love with it.

Monday, March 23, 2009

+and the flowers are better dressed than any girl on her wedding day

i am not betraying my love for autumn. nothing can replace that. but spring is shaping up to be quite lovely on belmont's campus...





"You will be the cutest 36 year old i know." -Devon

Sunday, March 22, 2009

+we're fighting for ourselves, fighting for our lives

"I look out the window, the birds are composing-not a note is out of tune or out of place. I look at the meadow, and stare at the flowers-better dressed than any girl on her wedding day. So why do I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need, You know what I need. Your love is, Your love is, Your love is strong." (Jon Foreman, Your Love is Strong)
Happy Sunday. It's "Mothering Sunday" according to the Lent calendar, so I am happy that I got the chance to see both of my parents for a lazy breakfast/lunch at Pancake Pantry this morning. I've gotten more connected with my family week and I believe that makes any week a little more manageable. So much left to do this semester. God has been teaching me how slothful I can become and it's been a day-in, day-out struggle to stay motivated and to do my best. I believe I can have the energy to push through, especially when relationships are in full bloom with the spring season.

I don't know why we are allowed to experience the beauty of the seasons changing, but it is my favorite thing about being at a school where I get to walk across campus all the time. I am so greatful that I still get excited about budding flowers, sizzling heat, autumn leaves, and quiet snowflakes. Happy Spring!!!

Friday, March 20, 2009

+ i won't be wanting He makes me rest in fields of green

hey ladybug,
you are beautiful.
you are small.
and you represent how i feel when i am outdoors.
and God made you, too.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

+it'll take more than just a breeze to make me fall...

i can't get over it. i'll never get tired of you.
you came out of nowhere. and i haven't stopped smiling since.
simple and joyful and goofy and full of frisbee throwing.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

+maybe the simple life is more the way to go

"and oh, isn't it strange how things can change you? and oh, it's it plain that some things unname you?" (citywide rodeo, the weepies)

lent. day 21. yesterday night i was struck with an overwhelming notion during my time with God that something is about to happen. no specifics. i don't know if it's big or small or life-shattering or inconsequential, but i have had this feeling in my stomach since then that i cannot seem to shake. this morning i almost pulled my car over with heartbreak for people. what's going on? this blog is ineloquent. the only thoughts in my head right now are: why do we get so calloused and numb? who taught us to look the other way? who is telling us how to live? why doesn't common sense win anymore? i am sad. but in a different way than i've been before. prayer has been a struggle lately. not to find time for it, but to know what to say. i'm scared and fearful but i don't know of what and i feel humbled but don't know what step follows. so i'll try to sort through this ache in my stomach. i'll try to sort through the odd new feelings of feeling heartbroken for people. not a person. not a friend. just people.

and a strong inner stuggle on the dynamics of family and regional mentalities.

"where am i today? i wish that i knew...i don't remember one jump or one leap, just quiet steps away from your lead. i'm holding my heart out but clutching it too...we get distracted by the dreams of our own, but nobody's happy while feeling alone. and knowing how hard it hurts when we fall, we lean another ladder against the wrong wall - and climb, high, to the highest rung to shake fists at the sky. with so much deception, it's hard not to wander away" (reasons why, nickel creek)

Sunday, March 15, 2009

+if this is gonna run 'round in my head, i might as well be dreaming

Before the thoughts and images of this past week completely escape the magnificence they hold right now in my mind, I'll attempt to write them out. It has been so long since I have thoroughly enjoyed a trip and did not have that aching to come home prematurely. This break was unexpectedly something. I got to begin with some fellow RAs and dinner, and a new secret spot to enjoy the evening with. Watchmen was next on the agenda and it was first time I went to see a movie alone - a very worthwhile experience I hope to repeat countless times over again. Saturday was full of conversations, homework, and on to Sunday morning thesis writing as previously noted. And then we loaded the van. We hit the road on our way to Cleveland, TN. No, we did not venture to an exotic location, heck we didn't even get out of the state. But I got 'out' of the norm more than if I had ventured somewhere that may have required a passport.

The first day we arrived at the Marina on Ocoee Lake and met Cliff's dad for a boat ride to our home for the week, a cabin on the lake. The mountains left us all speechless in addition to being on a boat ride in beautiful weather with glistening water all around. This wasn't even a day into our journey. Each view and each new location left us with no more poetic language than, "wow!"

Our first project was to help to demolish a new Habitat for Humanity of Cleveland purchase - an old Cinema. The plans are to create a Habitat Re-Store complete with offices for administration in the existing facility. Our job? Tear out everything that wasn't cement or a load-bearing wall. This meant mirrors, projectors, dry-wall, tiles, old air ducts, ceiling, bathrooms - stalls, commodes, sinks, everything, and more. We had no clue the extent to the demolition until we took that first sledge hammer to the first layer of dry-wall.

The following day, with a promising weather report, we ventured to the community where Habitat of Cleveland was constructing their 63rd and 64th houses. We began the siding on one home and the floor trusses and foundation of the other house. We also had the privilege of meeting the man who's flooring was just going up. Our work was diligent and PB&J for lunches never seemed more fitting or appreciated.

We then went back and forth from demolition site to construction site. Ironic we know. Both were fantastically productive and our team understood the work necessary and everyone accomplished so much together.

The afternoons? Spend as you wish! We hiked straight up Sugarloaf Mountain the first day, then to Benton Falls (what a view!). There is no way to describe falling, climbing, hugging trees to support yourself, getting dirt in every inch of you, scrapes, sweat, and laughing with people because of it all combined. The next day, we spent some time in town bowling and going to Starbucks, and then a night in with a rented movie. Reading, playing games, sharing stories, napping, and so much eating.

I don't know if all the muscles in my body ache because I am out of shape or because we did so many things out of the ordinary for me, but it doesn't matter because it was all so worth it.

The boat rides never lost their wonder. The mountain view never allowed us to overlook it. The sunsets and sunrises were breathtaking each time. Hardwork always provided for a hard, refreshing sleep. Food never tasted so good. I have not felt God's presence so much in a group of people and in my own life in such a long time. A constant hug from God is how I describe it.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

+wholly unproductive / small victories

"saturday evening..."
a complete draft of my thesis is due a few hours after i get back from spring break.
daunting.
especially when no bone in my body wants to work on it right now.
i am so good at procrastinating.
and getting distracted with everything.
i will wake up early tomorrow to work.
i wish they made motivation juice. badly.

"...the next morning"
seven and a half hours of sleep, four and half hours of focus, 2 and half cups of coffee, and my thesis is now looming at 20 pages. hooray for focus! all that is needed is a little synthesizing on Obama's transition and this sucker is ready for it's first complete critique by adviser dr. vaughn may, keeper of all political science thesis knowledge. and the reality has sunk in.... i'm fascinated by the way our country does presidential transtions. admitted.

finally. finally i can leave for a beautiful spring break. i will be away from the internet and phone for a week. it's gonna be good. la la la all is well! see you on the other side :)

Thursday, March 5, 2009

+tellin' everyone back home, i was takin' the world by storm

Pieced together thoughts for your reading pleasure:

-The following is very Nashvillest in style. I love that blog. And perhaps it's rubbing off on me. It is a lovely sampling of all things Nashville.
-Watching trailers for Watchmen gives me chills. It looks well done and I am so ready to see it. I am not a graphic novel aficionado, I might just be more proud of myself for finishing this one and the discussion that will follow.
-Devon's Tim Kasher history lesson on Saturday's car ride got me ready for Cursive's new album, Mama, I'm Swollen. Again, I do not claim to be an avid listener of either The Good Life or Cursive, but the new album's digital booklet contains handwriting and good graphic design. Paired with the music's eerily honest and personal lyrics, it's hard not be become vaguely obsessed or at least committed to listening through it multiple times without realizing the time that has elapsed.
-I am dying, yes dying, to try Crema. Go with me!
-Spring Break can't come soon enough. Sunday. Sunday. Sunday.
-This morning I tried Sonic's Sonic Sunrise breakfast drink. It's odd. Think: Cherry, Lime, Orange Juice, and Sprite all in one cup. Not sure how I feel about it just yet.
-I really like my Literature class.
-I am positive the Student Affairs staff at Belmont University is performing the purpose they set out to do. Or at least the student development level in my own life has been pretty amazing.
-DeathCab/RaRaRiot/MattCosta in 62 days?
-twomoredays.icandoit!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

+time out of mind must be heavenly

spring break is fast approaching. which is bittersweet. midterms and papers and thesis rough drafts coupled with the glorious ideal: a week out of the normal pace. such a tease. such a welcomed time, though. my goal is to truly put away school work. not bring any with me. i get to go to cleveland, tennessee and build a house. and hang out. and hike. and camp. and otherwise serve and love and just be in the presence of people that i haven't been before. i am thrilled by this idea. especially since i have spent hours pouring over crafting words and sentences and paragraphs these weekdays.

Bad cell phone reception and no internet access.
God, people, full-time. hello SB09!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

+the sixth day of lent

I don't really know how to explain all that God is capable of when I am willing to give him a priority in my day. I'm still learning because I haven't done this in a while, but Lent is beautiful. I have exprienced more levels of emotions this past week with God than I have in a very long time. I haven't even yearned for it like I should. But I am learning how pivotal receiving wisdom from God is. Thank God he is my Savior and Lord and not just my Savior.

Weekdays are harder. More humility is present. But Sundays? Oh Sweet Sundays! I appreciate Christ so much more than I used to.

"Perhaps during the Lenten season we should stop praying for others as if we were virtuous to do so. Perhaps we should take off our righteous robes just long enough during these 40 days to put ashes on our own heads, to come before God with a new humility that is willing to confess, "Lord, be merciful to me, a sinner." Maybe we should be willing to prostrate ourselves before God and plead, "Lord, in my hand no price I bring; simply to the cross I cling." That might put us in a position to hear God in ways that we have not heard Him in a long time. And it may be the beginning of a healing for which we have so longed."
Richter