+i wonder if i've grown to lose the recklessness i walk in light of you

"So the imposition of ashes has a double meaning, one despairing, because it describes the reality of what we have made ourselves; the other hopeful, because it describes the new reality God has made for us. For the Christian, hope trumps despair. "In Adam all die" and "In Christ shall all be made alive" are both true, but Christ has conquered death.

But this is not a reason to feel good about yourself on Ash Wednesday. That would be to presume upon God's good will and take the Lord's death for granted. Ash Wednesday is a fast day given us to remember what we have done and to try to learn how much of the old Adam remains in us. And of course the more you see what Jesus did for you, the more you will want to face your sins, to track them down to the places they have hidden, drag them into the light, and with God's help drive them away."
-"Ash Wednesday's Double Meaning," Mills (2004)

+and let's write it while we've still got time

Today, Brianna's family and I went to Kansas City to see the man, the myth, the legend... Dave Ramsey. Interestingly, I have heard so much talk about Dave Ramsey on both sides - someone would claim that his principles had gotten them out of debt... another person would call him crazy or unreasonable. I never truly had an opinion because I had never read his books or heard more than a 5 minute radio segment.

Today was great. Good things to think about. Wonderful ideas for investing. And a huge feeling of appreciation/empowerment that I am learning these principles and philosophies while I am still very young. And so, because of the wealth of information that I'm still digesting, I wanted to leave you all with this lovely conversation with Brianna afterwards via text that makes me start thinking about what Dave says about thinking about the "later" and not always the "now." Even if this never happens, how cool is it to have friends to discuss and think about ideas like this!?

Me: How do you feel about beaches?
Brianna: Positively!
Me: Next year or summer - let's get a stack of books and head to the beach.
Brianna: Hmmm, I fully approve.
Me: We shall start a baby savings account for it! A jar, even!
Briana: Yes. Done. OR just put it into a mutual fund or Roth IRA for when we retire and go to GREECE!

+sometimes things change, sometimess we're waiting - we need grace either way

Attention: full on nostalgia ahead (warned you...) I am blessed beyond all measure to be able to have friends who not only tell me they love me, but truly show it with their actions and buy expensive plane tickets, give up their time, just so they can share a bed with me in on-campus student housing in the state of Kansas. Taylor came to visit this past weekend, and I cannot explain how refuled and filled up I have been this week. There is something about connecting with someone who has known you and seen you through all those rough college times that makes the depth of the friendship something sacred. In reeling from the good conversations that Tayor and I had this past weekend, I figured I should commemorate with some fun pictures that remind me of what a friend I have in her. I cannot believe that in 2 months and 26 days this lovely lady's last name will no longer be Payne, but Kelley...That all our late night conversations about boys and dating and love and romance will change into talks of Klay and marriage and wedding.

How we ever decided to be in different sororities is beyond me, but such is life. I believe this picture was from Bid Day 2008? We were both Recruitment Counselors (secretively so we could just hang out together more).

Camping in the woods.. in Nashville.. adventurous, right?

Documentation of our over-involvedness. RAs and ambassadors and every other thing you could think of.

My 21st Birthday

and Taylor's 21st Birthday!

More birthdays.... 22?

Costume parties.

Graduating from Belmont

The day after Taylor was engaged! And my last day in Nashville before moving to Kansas.

Together again, going to concerts again... only this time... in Kansas :)

+after that it got colder, the world got quiet, it was never quite day or quite night, and the sea turned the color of sky turned the color of sea turned the color of ice

I used to really hate winter. How my hands would become stiff and painful when I would drive. The way I felt like hibernating, eating too much, feeling constricted, and constantly shivering. I used to love the heat, the ability to move easily, to wear shorts and flip flops, and to see a world full of green and color.

I realized during this (my first midwestern) winter, that my hatred for the cold and winter came from the fact that I used to think that socks were an option in Alabama. I believed that thin fleece gloves would be enough to walk through the cold. I never wore a hat for fear of messing up my hair, and I believed that putting on a scarf would do the trick to warm me up. Once I learned from the Minnesotan and the South Dakotan that hats keep your heat it, socks (and really, boots too!) are not really optional items, mittens (not gloves) keep your hand the warmest, I can finally truly appreciate the cold (snow, ice).

And with appreciating it and not wishing it's departure every day, I have come to fall in love with the symbolism that I used to scoff. While the trees are bare, the sky is gray, and the colors are not as vibrant as they could be, it IS a time of regrowth from the inside out. I can feel my mind and spirit doing the very same right now - growing roots deeper into who I am and sorting my thoughts out more and more. Winter celebration is just a little more somber and humbling than Spring and Summer, but no less important.

It's a beautiful Winter.

+building walls 1,000 miles high

"Don't let the things you hold on to ever outnumber the things you let go.
Don't let the things you remember ever outnumber the things you live for."
-Toyko! by Josh Ritter

Oh, a Josh Ritter concert. I have been waiting for ever, so long = this long ago!

Liberty Hall
Lawrence, KS
February 18, 2011

Come and Find me (acoustic)
Good Man
Lillian Egypt
Southern Pacific
Folk Blood Bath (perfect)
Empty Hearts
Snow is Gone (People like this song more in places it actually snows...)
Real Long Distance
Rattling Locks
Harrisburg (with Cover of Modest Mouse's Tiny Cities Made of Ashes)
The Curse (in the dark)
You Don't Make It Easy Babe
Gallahad
Thin Blue Flame (in the dark)
Cover: The Pale Blue Eyes by the Velvet Underground
Rumors
Right Moves
Kathleen
Lantern
Change of Time (with "Rough seas they carry me" repeated

Encore:
Lawrence, KS
Cover: The Everly Brothers - Stories We Could Tell (with Scott Hutchinson)
To the Dogs or Whoever

+turn the light out say goodnight, no thinking for a little while

Things that fill up my days... some distractions, some necessary.

Books that make me a better person. Journaling, also known as a place to spew all the thoughts I don't fee like making people listen to just yet!

Nashville, TN. Thoughts of the city. Thoughts of the people who live there. Thoughts about how to travel there cheaply. Thoughts about when the next time I get to will be.

Coffee. Anytime. All the time. Einstein's Bros is quite good. So is (insert list of the other 20 places I enjoy getting coffee from) and typically whatever comes with it... talking, reading, writing, reading, talking and so on.

Grad school reading. Journals, textbooks, and everything related to everything Higher Education.

Sorry grad school, Harry Potter is more entertaining sometimes. Sometimes (most times) it wins. It's the soul food of literature... good for: bad moods, cold days, times when you need some familiarity.

Working out. Lifting weights, cardio, yoga, stretching. The only thing in my life I feel like is constant about my daily routine (chalk it up to Residence Life).

Working (aka "Meetings"). And subsequently the hourly (and half-hourly) planner. The greatest gift to mankind. Ever.

The Decemberists, lately. And all those others below it. And more.

All this caption should say is "Bane of My Free Time," ahh, Amazon Kindle.

+raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice

My mentality/philosophy on being out in the cold hasn't changed much...in decades.

+to the heartbeat of a lark or the lark in my heartbeat

Quotes I appreciate from class readings for my Student Affairs Administration in Higher Ed. class this week. A little bit on the boring side for most, but I love the idea that the profession I am in not only encourages initial preparation, but also ongoing education and commitment. Loyalty, consistency, knowledge.

"Student Affairs workers owe it to their clients to have engaged in appropriate professional education and preparation and to continue this education as long as they practice" -Carpenter

"Professionalism means committing to the profession, students, and institutions with whom we work and being competent and engaged in the work we do." -Jan Arminio

+and the future hangs over our heads, and it moves with each current event

If I viewed my life as a big book with lots of chapters and pages, I feel like I would put a bookmark in today's page and label it with "Don't Forget."

I realized something that I already sort of new, but discovered it in a new way tonight - the importance of friends that understand and connect with me intellectually. (Nix that... I discovered this with a friend of mine, I shouldn't take all the credit.) But what a breath of fresh air to banter and discuss life and all its complexities and world issues and academia and life purposes with someone who cares to discuss it, too! And furthermore, someone who is open, willing, reflective, and just as high energy as yourself?

It is so rare to be supported in such a genuine way. To have relationships in my life who look at me and say, "You're capable. You're smart. You're enough." Oh, how much we all need to hear those words, and more than likely do not hear them...ever. I need to tie a ribbon around my finger and remember to tell others that, because when someone says it to me, it just affirms me on my journey, especially in the land of grad school.

+don't carry it all, don't carry it all. we are all our hands and holders, beneath this bold and brilliant sun, and this i swear to all

I love the sound of giggling up and down the halls of my buildings. Love, love, in more ways than I know how to express. I don't know how I will ever live off-campus. I mean, I do. But I'll miss this.

These past two days have been snow days here at the ole KU. And every moment of being here in the hall and stuck from going elsewhere has been a learning experience for me. Not only do I love the chance to get to stay in my pajamas all day long, but the idea of eating every single meal with 50 students? What a dream job, I have. Seriously though... conversations and lingering and laughing and... time.

As I was sitting, thinking about what this job really is, it is one that I never want to give up. I have the distinct privilege of living and working in sync with my students who are constantly being shaped by the classes they are taking and the experiences they are having. At some point in time they will look back at the picture they are taking with one another and the freedom they have and pine for the days of their youth, so to speak. I cannot believe I get to see them develop into leaders and professionals...the time when they are debating which political theory to believe... and what ideas of spirituality and religion they decide to adhere to.

I am terrified by my job, though. What if I advise someone wrong? What if what I say something stupid? What if I am not around enough? What if I don't care enough? What if I don't connect in a genuine way and someone drops out of school... or worse... leaves this university with the same view and perspective they came in with?

Who knows what this next year and half will bring. I know I need to live in the moment though. I know that I love reading about student development theory so far this semester. How it applies to my students is too cool. There we go. I think I have landed on terminology that finally describes this all well... too cool.