I like this picture. My mom holding on to my dad's fingers and my dad's charming smirk. Parents have been on my mind a great deal lately and it's suiting to put them here, after all it's not frequented by many other than those of you who know me pretty well and understand what's going on with me. "Goodness knows I saw it coming, or at least I'll claim I did. But in truth I'm lost for words."
Thursday, February 26, 2009
+i think the finish line is a good place to begin
I like this picture. My mom holding on to my dad's fingers and my dad's charming smirk. Parents have been on my mind a great deal lately and it's suiting to put them here, after all it's not frequented by many other than those of you who know me pretty well and understand what's going on with me. "Goodness knows I saw it coming, or at least I'll claim I did. But in truth I'm lost for words."
+on my knees i see clearer
these things have been going on lately....
-i am too sleepy to post for real
-but the following have all had a good deal of meaning lately
-that's all :)
-but the following have all had a good deal of meaning lately
-that's all :)
Monday, February 23, 2009
+when he looked around him now for the first time
"He must have felt that he had lost the old warm world, paid a high price for living too long with a single dream. He must have looked up at an unfamiliar sky through frightening leaves and shivered as he found what a grotesque thing a rose is and how raw the sunlight was upon the scarcely created grass. A new world, material without being real, where poor ghosts, breathing dreams like air, drifted fortuitously about...like that ashen, fantastic figure gliding toward him through the amorphous trees" (169).
Why can't I write like that? I really like Fitzgerald and I don't know why. He has been criticized as a poor writer with poor development. Yet, Gatsby is one of the few novels I have been required to read in school that I have finished and wanted to read again, if for nothing but to glean a little more wisdom from the text.
The quote above has struck me for about 5 years now. Every time I read it I feel like it is much more important than probably intended. I am in the process of writing a paper for my Lit class (on Gatsby of course) and I know I need to incorporate this excerpt and I am still juggling just how to make that work.
There is something about being so blind sighted by your dreams and ideals that when you finally look up from your plotting and scheming, you notice that there is a sky. Familiar to everyone but you. You realize things you once held dear become disgusting because they do not contain that magical sparkle you have created in your mind for so long. You are, in essence, entering a new world, "material without being real"... this is reality, you just haven't faced it in a long time.
I believe this is Gatsby's realization before death. He has no reason to live once he realizes all that he has dreamed has no ability to come true. He has built a life around a hope and a dream and his world is shattered. It almost seems as thought George Wilson's revenge of his wife was the very thing Gatsby needed or wanted. Daisy driving that car might have been the best thing to happen for dear Jay Gatz. So I'm writing and writing and I hope I get somewhere my professor considers new and unique.
Why can't I write like that? I really like Fitzgerald and I don't know why. He has been criticized as a poor writer with poor development. Yet, Gatsby is one of the few novels I have been required to read in school that I have finished and wanted to read again, if for nothing but to glean a little more wisdom from the text.
The quote above has struck me for about 5 years now. Every time I read it I feel like it is much more important than probably intended. I am in the process of writing a paper for my Lit class (on Gatsby of course) and I know I need to incorporate this excerpt and I am still juggling just how to make that work.
There is something about being so blind sighted by your dreams and ideals that when you finally look up from your plotting and scheming, you notice that there is a sky. Familiar to everyone but you. You realize things you once held dear become disgusting because they do not contain that magical sparkle you have created in your mind for so long. You are, in essence, entering a new world, "material without being real"... this is reality, you just haven't faced it in a long time.
I believe this is Gatsby's realization before death. He has no reason to live once he realizes all that he has dreamed has no ability to come true. He has built a life around a hope and a dream and his world is shattered. It almost seems as thought George Wilson's revenge of his wife was the very thing Gatsby needed or wanted. Daisy driving that car might have been the best thing to happen for dear Jay Gatz. So I'm writing and writing and I hope I get somewhere my professor considers new and unique.
+i know the heart of life is good
i am grateful that my mom came in town this weekend. i loved seeing the belmont mansion via our lovely tour guide, kindall, and of course eating out and the country showcase. however, the conversations we had were so very necessary as well. from talking about girl things to the economy, insurance-after-college-before-grad school and finances.
am i grown up? is 21 grown up? or do you have to wait until you're married to be grown up? what if you get married at 16? what if you never get married? and then what does grown up even mean? i feel like i'm grown up because i live alone, i manage my life alone, my finances alone, i drive alone, and gosh darn-it i'm in college (ha).
i feel grown up because i can drink, smoke, and gamble .... i'm of-age.
and i go to bed early. i wake up early. i tend to enjoy schedules. do these things make me a grown-up? or will i forever feel like a child around my parents and my sisters? i don't know if i have any answers, just thoughts from a taxing, necessary, but very enjoyable weekend!
am i grown up? is 21 grown up? or do you have to wait until you're married to be grown up? what if you get married at 16? what if you never get married? and then what does grown up even mean? i feel like i'm grown up because i live alone, i manage my life alone, my finances alone, i drive alone, and gosh darn-it i'm in college (ha).
i feel grown up because i can drink, smoke, and gamble .... i'm of-age.
and i go to bed early. i wake up early. i tend to enjoy schedules. do these things make me a grown-up? or will i forever feel like a child around my parents and my sisters? i don't know if i have any answers, just thoughts from a taxing, necessary, but very enjoyable weekend!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
+oh what timing
record highs in emotion shouldn't last. they can't last. they have no history of lasting. i still get cautious when they come, and the very moment i accept that life is allowed to be inexplicably perfect, it crashes or crumbles in time to humble me.i'm just profoundly glad i can look across a high, wobbly table, decaf coffee, midnight, listening to an opening band and realize that someone can nod and actually get what i'm talking about. this isn't last week.... this new week has had a brand new feel to it.
and maybe next week will be the best ever and maybe it will stink. maybe it will truly be a blah week or uneventful. regardless, i just felt like blogging tonight. can't sleep. mom comes tomorrow :)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
+in every high and every low
can generosity and frugality go hand in hand?
one of the biggest lessons i learned when going on the no-spending-spree was how very little i needed. however, even though it seems selfless, it's so selfish. because other people need things. like flowers for valentines or popsicles when they are sick. they need things like a cup of coffee bought for them today or a twenty to help them get the gas they need to get to their internship this week.
and then there's the feeling of being blessed to even be employed. i get a paycheck, for crying out loud! i'm lucky. and need to stop forgetting that. so, because i am blessed with a good fortune, shouldn't i be spreading it around instead of realizing how much i can hoard?
so frugality maybe is a two step process-- learning i don't need excess, but not really needing to spend any less? maybe i should just re-name frugality with the term "wiser allocation of funds" or even "intentional spreading of a paycheck."
just a thought.
adding to a savings account is comparable to spending the money on myself now.
just another thing to keep in check, that's all.
one of the biggest lessons i learned when going on the no-spending-spree was how very little i needed. however, even though it seems selfless, it's so selfish. because other people need things. like flowers for valentines or popsicles when they are sick. they need things like a cup of coffee bought for them today or a twenty to help them get the gas they need to get to their internship this week.
and then there's the feeling of being blessed to even be employed. i get a paycheck, for crying out loud! i'm lucky. and need to stop forgetting that. so, because i am blessed with a good fortune, shouldn't i be spreading it around instead of realizing how much i can hoard?
so frugality maybe is a two step process-- learning i don't need excess, but not really needing to spend any less? maybe i should just re-name frugality with the term "wiser allocation of funds" or even "intentional spreading of a paycheck."
just a thought.
adding to a savings account is comparable to spending the money on myself now.
just another thing to keep in check, that's all.
Monday, February 16, 2009
+don't talk, don't say a thing, cause your eyes they tell me more than your words
concerts, super friends, flowers, retreats, cookies, surprises, unexpectedness, good church sermon and devon neisen all add up to a quite lovely weekend. in addition, i am ridiculously (inexplicably) content lately. lack of sleep? good music? happy interactions? who knows. all i know is that helping others is what life is all about, and that undivided attention for others is always worth it. more later. agape, agape.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
+them, you, us plus eleven comes just shy of infinity
why are there so many nuances in music that can only be heard with the music turned up and by using headphones? beautiful. amazing. mp3s / bad sound quality are the death of music. okay, fair enough, that's over dramatic, but it's just so darn better when you can hear it! all of it!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
+see a sea anemone the enemy that'll be the end of me
i seriously cannot listen to andrew bird's noble beast enough.
obsession.
from 'anonanimal'....
"hold on just a second,
don't tell me this one you know
i know this one
i know this song
i know this one
i love this song.
hold on just a second,
don't tell me this one
you know i know this one
i know this song
i know this one
i know this song
i know this one."
obsession.
from 'anonanimal'....
"hold on just a second,
don't tell me this one you know
i know this one
i know this song
i know this one
i love this song.
hold on just a second,
don't tell me this one
you know i know this one
i know this song
i know this one
i know this song
i know this one."
+omg omg it's my top 25.
so erin, kindall and i decided to make a 25 things list based on this article:
25 Tips for the Busy Facebook User - The Lede Blog, NYTimes.com
1. omg...we're starting this silly list we've totally been tagged in a million times, so we might as well do it, i mean i guess we .
2. so this one time i was walking in the gym and slipped on pepsi and i was totally mortified because it was in front of a group of seniors, but then the hottest guy in the group grabbed my hand and pulled me up. totally worth it.
3. so i have to admit, i have a crush on this RA in kennedy and he's really tall and has a santa tie, but it would be so embarrasing if he was reading this right now! ( :-o )
4. okay i admit it, i'm addicted to scope moutwash. so expensive, but hey, i'm always 99.9% germ-free!
5. i hate dumb people, but hey i'm smarter for it.
6. okay, so this is sort of personal, but when i was in 2nd grade all the kids in my class called me T.I.M. which was first of all embarrasing seeing as how i am a girl and it's a boy's name, but also because it stood for "tiny idiot munchkin" ... i know, gag - right?
7. As Director of Homeland Security last year, I got tons of free White House coaster and those amazing coozies that no one can live without. And mine have Patriot Act - free guarantees.
8. Since I live in Nashville, I met the french rapper Sprai Cheeze at my favorite hole-in-the-wall coffee shop and I was so disillusioned as I saw him get a styrofoam cup. How non-eco friendly. JERK!
9. So there's this drummer that lives on the 3rd floor of my building, and me and my friends decided to fill his drums with bees. He's allergic.... so you get the idea.
10. i like cake.
11. so i've always identified with screech from saved by the bell, there's something to his insatiable quest for knowledge that i've always just found attractive. and don't get me started on the curly hair...
12. I admit that I am medically allergic to the sunshine. Therefore, I am pale, and I blend in with my macbook.
13. I thought about getting the black macbook, but decided to coordinate with my skintone. All my family members agreed this was a good decision. I am so blessed to have them. (Small green ribbons for awareness - give me a shout out and I'll get you one!)
14. The Death Cab for Cutie song, "No Sunlight" has always made me cry because it reminds me of my sensitive skin condition and I really feel connected to something here--something bigger than me, bigger than Death Cab even.
15. I've never tried marijuana, but I've always thought it would have similar affect to advil.
16. My teacher tried to give me a C on a paper that I wrote because she thought I plagiarized, but I gave her a long speech in class stating Aristotle, where I explained that quality writing and research does not equate to plagiarism and there are no such thing as the forms, just because. And she got my point and the general feeling of the classroom and gave me an A++.
17. I was arrested and when my parents found me in jail I was only wearing nothing but an eye patch and a pair of argyle socks and it seemed that I had been reduced to moaning "ARRR" all day.
18. I know why the caged bird sings. AND I know what you did last summer (part two).
19. One of these completely made up - jk jk jk ;-)
20. I have always wanted to name my kids after TI's kid - Messiah Ya'Majesty and then also a proclamation of my love for a specific fruit - Grapefruit.
21. I used to think that St. Patricks day was all about Lucky Charms. Now I know that it's not, but each year, I always grab myself a box of Lucky Charms WITH an honorary green beer.
22. Props to my pet bunny rabbit Dr. Snarflebum for always being there for me - through thick and thin.
23. I haven't spoken to my parents in four years. They think I joined the circus and I haven't the heart to tell them I'm actually getting an education.
24. I spent so much time in detention in high school that I learned to carve my name into a desk using only my teeth. Now this skill aids me in my understanding of the beaver community in my social work endeavors.
25. My all time favorite place is under the train tracks. That one way tunnel between Arrington and Nolensville. SO romantic.
25 Tips for the Busy Facebook User - The Lede Blog, NYTimes.com
1. omg...we're starting this silly list we've totally been tagged in a million times, so we might as well do it, i mean i guess we .
2. so this one time i was walking in the gym and slipped on pepsi and i was totally mortified because it was in front of a group of seniors, but then the hottest guy in the group grabbed my hand and pulled me up. totally worth it.
3. so i have to admit, i have a crush on this RA in kennedy and he's really tall and has a santa tie, but it would be so embarrasing if he was reading this right now! ( :-o )
4. okay i admit it, i'm addicted to scope moutwash. so expensive, but hey, i'm always 99.9% germ-free!
5. i hate dumb people, but hey i'm smarter for it.
6. okay, so this is sort of personal, but when i was in 2nd grade all the kids in my class called me T.I.M. which was first of all embarrasing seeing as how i am a girl and it's a boy's name, but also because it stood for "tiny idiot munchkin" ... i know, gag - right?
7. As Director of Homeland Security last year, I got tons of free White House coaster and those amazing coozies that no one can live without. And mine have Patriot Act - free guarantees.
8. Since I live in Nashville, I met the french rapper Sprai Cheeze at my favorite hole-in-the-wall coffee shop and I was so disillusioned as I saw him get a styrofoam cup. How non-eco friendly. JERK!
9. So there's this drummer that lives on the 3rd floor of my building, and me and my friends decided to fill his drums with bees. He's allergic.... so you get the idea.
10. i like cake.
11. so i've always identified with screech from saved by the bell, there's something to his insatiable quest for knowledge that i've always just found attractive. and don't get me started on the curly hair...
12. I admit that I am medically allergic to the sunshine. Therefore, I am pale, and I blend in with my macbook.
13. I thought about getting the black macbook, but decided to coordinate with my skintone. All my family members agreed this was a good decision. I am so blessed to have them. (Small green ribbons for awareness - give me a shout out and I'll get you one!)
14. The Death Cab for Cutie song, "No Sunlight" has always made me cry because it reminds me of my sensitive skin condition and I really feel connected to something here--something bigger than me, bigger than Death Cab even.
15. I've never tried marijuana, but I've always thought it would have similar affect to advil.
16. My teacher tried to give me a C on a paper that I wrote because she thought I plagiarized, but I gave her a long speech in class stating Aristotle, where I explained that quality writing and research does not equate to plagiarism and there are no such thing as the forms, just because. And she got my point and the general feeling of the classroom and gave me an A++.
17. I was arrested and when my parents found me in jail I was only wearing nothing but an eye patch and a pair of argyle socks and it seemed that I had been reduced to moaning "ARRR" all day.
18. I know why the caged bird sings. AND I know what you did last summer (part two).
19. One of these completely made up - jk jk jk ;-)
20. I have always wanted to name my kids after TI's kid - Messiah Ya'Majesty and then also a proclamation of my love for a specific fruit - Grapefruit.
21. I used to think that St. Patricks day was all about Lucky Charms. Now I know that it's not, but each year, I always grab myself a box of Lucky Charms WITH an honorary green beer.
22. Props to my pet bunny rabbit Dr. Snarflebum for always being there for me - through thick and thin.
23. I haven't spoken to my parents in four years. They think I joined the circus and I haven't the heart to tell them I'm actually getting an education.
24. I spent so much time in detention in high school that I learned to carve my name into a desk using only my teeth. Now this skill aids me in my understanding of the beaver community in my social work endeavors.
25. My all time favorite place is under the train tracks. That one way tunnel between Arrington and Nolensville. SO romantic.
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