If I could teach you one thing, it would be that you need to accept the love that others are willing to give. You are not above that need. You cannot do it on your own. Repeat, and listen, and don't gloss over that sentence. I will say it again - you cannot do it on your own. Yep, you're right, it is easier. Easier because no one has to feel bad that you cry yourself to sleep or that you feel helpless or distressed. But it is also harder, isn't it? And even though everyone thinks you are put together, what is the benefit of that? You hate it when people aren't genuine... and then that's the very thing you turn around and do? If I could teach you one thing, it's that you're worth loving.
Different people struggle with different lessons. Yours just happens to be letting other people love you. Letting others lessen your load. Letting them enjoy their life by serving you from time to time. And you know you're not a martyr, and you know you're not all that humble. You just like doing things alone. You like your kitchen clean and your bed made. And you have hashed out and re-hashed out how introverted you are, but the irony is that you work best in community. So you are only hurting yourself by giving others a way out and pushing them away. It's not that you do not like them, you just do not like the idea of making them work for you or on something only you care about. But you have got to learn that they want to, that they need to, that you have got to participate in the reciprocity cycle that is called... life. Give a little, get a little, and enjoy the moments that make relationships worth it.
You deeply feel this about all people you interact with... you know they are worth your time, your affection, your care, and your love. So start believing it about yourself.
If what it takes for you to understand is your fiance writing it on your bathroom mirror, then so be it. Read it daily, read it often: you are worth loving.
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