+when you're weak, you're strong to me

"...i need to confess - it's hard to show my weakness
i want so much to show you strength, without revealing everything.
you know what i always say, "when you're weak, you're strong to me"
it's another way of loving me. cause when i see your heart, i get carried through
remember, i promised forever. life brings change. but my promise is the same.
and through these years we've been together..." (watermark)

how many times will my friends tell me i'm worthy and valuable before i finally believe them?
i feel like all i do is doubt myself (frustrating).
i have a hundred times one thousand percent confidence in the worthiness and value of my friends, but when i turn that finger around to myself? i cower away.

i feel like that's absolutely normal.
but i hate it.
i hate that my room is so messy right now,
i hate that i haven't had a good run in a few days,
and i hate that i ate unhealthy food today.
but more than all of that, i just hate that i cannot make myself see rationally.

today was a great day.
i caught up with two friends that i love but haven't spent time with lately.
and played intramural volleyball for the first time.
and watched friends perform with company.
and spent amazingly glorious time with another friend all night.

i realized today that life can be frustrating and beautiful at the same time
and that's okay
and i don't need to play 'fix it' right now
and i don't need to think about it too much

and my friends really do care. even if it takes them telling me that 1,000 times.