+you happened to look and see the tunnels all around me

"I talk about my life...on the one hand hardly anything could be less important, on the other hand, hardly anything could be more important. My story is important not because it is mine, God knows, but because if I tell it anything like right, the chances are you will recognize that in many ways it is also yours. Maybe nothing is more important than that we keep track, you and I, of these stories of who we are and where we have come from and the people we have met along the way because it is precisely through these stories in all their particularity, as I have long believed and often said, that God makes himself known to each of us most powerfully and personally. If this is true, it means that to lose track of our stories is to be profoundly impoverished not only humanly but also spiritually."

-Frederick Buechner in Telling Stories

+hello seattle, i am an old lighthouse

What a strange couple of weeks. It has been constantly cloudy and rainy since... well I don't remember since when. Today the sun started shining, there was actual blue sky visible. And, for the first time in a long time I felt very very happy. (edit: hahahaha... as I sit here, it just began to pour again... it figures...)

This week was my last sorority recruitment week. What a very long week. After a very hard previous weekend. Everything went smoothly...so strange to be a Senior in AST, but so very grateful for a very special group to stay committed to.

I purchased Owl City's album Ocean Eyes at the start of the week (Devon and I took a pre-recruitment trip to Grimey's...much needed). It is such a wonderful album, great lyrics and just feel-good all the way through.

"I can finally see that You're right there beside me. I am not my own, for I have been made new. Please don't let me go I desperately need You."

More later. None of my thoughts are really formed yet from anything. This semester is such a puzzle.

+i'm so sorry that i've been so sad - but you are the best friend that i've ever had

Birthday. Birthday. Yes, birthday! I need to do an update on the weekend. It's been hard for me to find the words to write because I don't want to beg for sympathy, but I don't want to be fake, either. I had an alright birthday weekend. I like to blame the dreery weather and constant rain and humidity. But in all honesty, at most to blame was my expectations and the way I went about planning the weekend.

I did not allow myself to enjoy what I had planned and in a sense felt like all those cliche devotions about Christmas where the parents plan so much for their kids they forget the real reason of the day. Not that I am Jesus or need near as much rememberance as he does, but my entire mindset was so strange all weekend. I went from moderately happy to sad to happy again and this odd cycle where I never really just was happy.

I should have planned differently, but the past is the past. I learned my lesson(s). I have amazingly loving friends who love me even more when I honestly tell them who I am. So, this weekend has been worth it because I peeled back another layer of who I am and decided to be transparent and ended up understanding friendship a little better.

So I like to think of my birthday present as a hard/stretching lesson or two. I hate pity parties, but sometimes I guess they are necessary.

Here's to a week of Recruitment! Here are a few pictures from the weekend, though! More to come.

+my darling we're both on the wing, look down and keep on singing!

Update update. I am just about to head over to the Phi Tau Rave Paint Party, but before I do, I should note that this week has been jam packed and a bit crazy, but the beautiful part is that most of it has just been relationship building. I haven't been busy with busy work or homework or meetings. So it has been awesome.

These adorable owls have been keeping me company. A girls-day-out of shopping resulted in me purchasing...key covers :)




In addition, I should probably post about Hot Yoga. Kelly and I are finishing up tomorrow our 2 week unlimited Hot Yoga Nashville package. It has been a journey and adventure all of its own. I know these poses like the back of my hand.

+let's string up everything that we've been afraid of we've been living under

Remember that ambiguous post I made on August 4th? Well, I can't be any more transparent than I was, but I can tell you that it is making great great great progress. In fact, I actually got back to my room Friday night, locked the door, and started jumping up and down because I am so thoroughly excited that it is making headway! Oh goodness! What a light heart! Still, much to be done, and still lots to keep accountable. Some days the thought of it all is draining, but the practice of it is the most energizing thing I have done. It truly pays to stop sitting on the sidelines and start addressing things that matter. No matter how many hoops you have to jump through.

That being said, I am understanding more this semester of the clash of idealism and the real, working world. I have my ideas and passions about a career in student affairs or residence life, but I realize that no matter how many degrees a person has, that does not always mean they are going to genuinely be interested in developing every student. In fact, I am sure no matter what field a person enters, their original reasons for entering it do not necessarily shine through every hour of every day. I know this in my head, but I don't know this in my heart just yet.

Conversation I had with my Dean of Students...

"Wait, you mean to tell me that people CHOOSE to work at a university and still view students as inferior, lowly people who are self-centered and lack potential?"
"Oh, of course, Heather."
"Wait... why would you choose to work here then?"
"You would think they would because of their deep commitment to students. But not everyone remembers that throughout their career. I think you're starting to understand the real world."
"Man. That stinks."

+i think it's time to repaint myself maybe blue maybe green maybe something in between

"Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (Colossians 3:12-14)

I think it is a humbling experience when you realize that your Bible has been a passenger in your car more than it has been open in your hands. I couldn't find my Bible today. In fact, I didn't even remember when I saw it last. Oh that's right, in the back seat? No, the trunk. When did that happen?

Broken. How do I do this to myself? I love prayer, but why do I neglect to crack open the love letter written for me? I search for verses online and all that, but there is something about actually reading from a book that gives me a little more focus and attention.

Devon pointed me to Colossians 3 today - lots of identity talks we've had in the past few months can really be seen in these verses. It was good to read through it all, but the few verses above made me want to stand up and shout (in a good way). I believe so whole-heartedly in compassion (understanding), kindness and humilty (because everyone comes from different places), gentleness and patience (because who knows what kind of day someone had, and much more receptive are people when you are gentle while you are patient with them??).

Oh and then that final verse - "put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." -- doesn't it? When you love someone how much easier is it to show them compassion, kindness, humility, patience, and even gentleness. Love ties all things together. Respect, love, humility. It's so refreshing.

Most people I work with and see on a normal basis understand these virtues and practice them to the best of their ability from what I can see. I need to learn to be so much more patient with those Christians I see who are constantly abrasive, short-tempered, and impatient. It literally twists my heart to see it, but I need to love above all else. "all together in perfect unity."

Just some thoughts for the day. What an encouragement.

+mondays need humor

Cute things. Nataliedee.com

+tonight maybe we're gonna run, dreaming of the osaka sun

I am calm, and that's new.
Transitioning well. I feel confident and content and I feel very grounded in my walk with Christ, who is typically the root of my joy, happiness, and peace.
I am happy to report that I have 48 lovely new pretty faces on my floor and actually got to see them all last night at our first hall meeting.
I am getting too old for my job though... even 11pm is pushin' it for me - someone shake me out of that habit!

This weekend I'm headed back to Evansville for a night to pick up Devon's car and to see his family, of course Tucker, and to go back to Charlie's Mongolian Barbeque. This place is phenomenal, I promise to actually take a picture of it this time.

Lookin' forward...

+i'll let you borrow my four leaf clover

So I guess this has been my final day to open the school year at Belmont University. So much anticipation and preparation - so worth it all. I forgot how neat it is to be in a Freshmen hall and had to place myself in the shoes of all those emotions again. It is such a difference from high school. It is such a difference from living at home. My parents came to take me out to breakfast this morning and we walked around campus. It is 70 degrees out with a beautiful breeze. We reminisced about my own move in day to Wright Hall and all the things that have happened to our family and Belmont's campus. Oh goodness! I feel old. I'm going to keep batting away attempts at looking back. I still have a semester to look forward to!

I feel very refreshed today. I got to go to a small party for Sarah last night and got to see some of my old residents. Mm, they make me smile. Then a birthday party for Dale. With lots of people my age - our conversation was "what's next"...."what're you doing when you graduate." Such a change from "what are you planning on studying" and "how far from home are you." I truly love the university setting for the varying range of mindsets. It seems impossible to become complacent!

Fun pictures to celebrate back to school:

My sister's first dorm room at Samford:


My first dorm room at Belmont:


My orientation with new friends:

+well i try to make you proud, but for crying out loud

What do you do when you care so much, feel so much, work so much, and yet there is still so much more to do, so many more people who you need and who need you, and there isn't even time enough to sleep?

I have never had a week like this one. It takes a lot for me to say that.

Opening day Saturday morning. We've got this. I promise. Why am I so scared?