If you follow my "Details" blog you'll know I've had a busy week. (translation: I haven't updated... not to fear, I've been keeping lists)
But a couple of things that have just made my heart smile this week in particular: the wind, the way it feels to cry, replaying moments over and over again, and the way some writers have the ability to capture your full attention and sense you have.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
+a new world for the weary
"I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I was swmming and the stars up above, directionless and drifting. Somewhere in the dark, were the sirens and the thunder. And around me as I swam, the drifters who'd gone under. Time love. Time love. Time love. It's only a change of time." -Josh Ritter
As I sit here enjoying a lovely little Saturday morning with Sarah at Frothy Monkey during one of the craziest thunderstorms/tornado watches we've had in a while and thinking about what a bad blogger I've been lately. It's dark and rainy and for some reason that feels relaxing. So, let's blog!! :)
What has been going on lately?
My main job has picked up into full-gear. I love the chance to get to help out with Orientation and understanding all the puzzle pieces that need to work out to make the whole experience run smoothly. I am really excited about seeing how all that work gets to pay off for the newest students in just a little over a month. I never thought I'd get this experience so it has made for a very (busy) and fun learning process! And admittedly, much more exciting than just handling convocation :)
My secondary job is a constant plodding along. I'm learning about what mentorship is like day in, day out (ups and downs). I have learned what a blossoming teenager's mood swings are like, and the feeling of accomplishment in teaching someone a new skill. Some days are exhausting and some are energizing, but I guess that's the story of life, isn't it?
So many engagements. So many new jobs. New signing of leases. Awards. I am blessed to have been able to stay in Nashville for this semester to get to share in all the life changes of my friends around me. There is a true comfort in knowing what lies ahead as far as my job and geographic location that makes it so much easier to focus on others. Again, it's just a blessing.
Shandus has got me hooked to ChaLean Extreme and I'm on day 8. I'm loving it and will have to more comprehensively later, but for now, I'm just beginning my 90 day journey... long long way to go!!
Mmmm rainy days. I gotta go keep on enjoying this one. :)
As I sit here enjoying a lovely little Saturday morning with Sarah at Frothy Monkey during one of the craziest thunderstorms/tornado watches we've had in a while and thinking about what a bad blogger I've been lately. It's dark and rainy and for some reason that feels relaxing. So, let's blog!! :)
What has been going on lately?
My main job has picked up into full-gear. I love the chance to get to help out with Orientation and understanding all the puzzle pieces that need to work out to make the whole experience run smoothly. I am really excited about seeing how all that work gets to pay off for the newest students in just a little over a month. I never thought I'd get this experience so it has made for a very (busy) and fun learning process! And admittedly, much more exciting than just handling convocation :)
My secondary job is a constant plodding along. I'm learning about what mentorship is like day in, day out (ups and downs). I have learned what a blossoming teenager's mood swings are like, and the feeling of accomplishment in teaching someone a new skill. Some days are exhausting and some are energizing, but I guess that's the story of life, isn't it?
So many engagements. So many new jobs. New signing of leases. Awards. I am blessed to have been able to stay in Nashville for this semester to get to share in all the life changes of my friends around me. There is a true comfort in knowing what lies ahead as far as my job and geographic location that makes it so much easier to focus on others. Again, it's just a blessing.
Shandus has got me hooked to ChaLean Extreme and I'm on day 8. I'm loving it and will have to more comprehensively later, but for now, I'm just beginning my 90 day journey... long long way to go!!
Mmmm rainy days. I gotta go keep on enjoying this one. :)
Friday, April 9, 2010
+rock chalk jayhawk, go KU!
I got an assistantship at the University of Kansas in the Department of Student Housing. I'll be working towards my master's in Education Leadership and Policy Studies while I work. When I visited Kansas (both in the fall and in March) I was convinced that I needed to be there. Such wonderful people. It has been a long process to finally have all the pieces fall in line, but now they have, and I couldn't be more excited!!
So, I'll be headed to Lawrence, Kansas in late July to begin my position and classes. So strange to think that 4 months ago I graduated and now in 4 months I'll be back in classes and working again! Crazy how time works. I'm going to miss Nashville so much, though. I'll be 12 hours away from most of my family, and 9 hours away from the majority of my friends, mentors, and my wonderful boyfriend. But with Southwest, internet, and cell phones, I think I'll be okay. It will be worth it, I know, and I couldn't have more support from all of them!
So now it's just time to enjoy Nashville, Tennessee and all the wonderful people and places that are here :)
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
+we only got 86 400 seconds in a day
A couple of pictures as of late! The sun is shining like only the sun in spring can - a welcome change from our crazy cold winter. March has been so much greater than February for me and now starts the fast paced journey of decision making and sometimes waiting. Welcome, Spring :)
Friday, March 19, 2010
+it's all about comfortable when you move so much
I have been writing like a fiend this semester.
Though you'd have no idea of that by the appearence of this blog.
(Like how I have to defend myself? Sheesh.)
The current thoughts I've been dwelling upon is the hard time I'm having doing away with old habits and patterns I had gotten myself into unhealthfully. Mostly in respect to friendships I had during my college experience. When I started college and probably for a good majority of it, many of the friendships I made were like-minded, overachieving individuals who became, in a sense, just as much competitors as they were friends. I enjoyed being with them as I felt sharpened and constantly pushing myself farther than I should in hopes that all that striving, it would push me to blossom into something more magnificent than I could ever imagine.
Unfortunately, that is a very me-controlled, me-centered way to live life and do friendships. Somewhere I realized that instead of moving, I was drowning, and the friends that I used to challenge me kept going even when I stopped. Good for them, I always thought, and in flooded the guilt and the hurt and the feelings of inadequecies.
I realize that friendships have a lot to do with relaxing. "Let's just chill" as the girl I babysit daily tells me we need to do. But how do you switch gears? How do you cultivate friendships that do, in fact, just chill? No need for weighty conversation and intentionality every time, just let it flow naturally. I desire this in my relationship with Christ first and foremost - no guilt coming before Him, no need for life change through every conversation, no need to be challenged and stretched upon every meeting. That way of living just isn't sustainable and isn't helping me do anything but be exhausted.
That's where it starts, with my relationship with Christ. When that falters into a guilty-ridden, success-driven kind of relationship, so do my friendships. So my prayers and my thoughts have been focused on allowing myself to be molded into this type of person. Not out of regret or fear, but out of a desire to genuinely accept love from my Creator, and in doing so, genuinely give and accept love to His creation.
Oh the difficulties of dispelling old habits.
Though you'd have no idea of that by the appearence of this blog.
(Like how I have to defend myself? Sheesh.)
The current thoughts I've been dwelling upon is the hard time I'm having doing away with old habits and patterns I had gotten myself into unhealthfully. Mostly in respect to friendships I had during my college experience. When I started college and probably for a good majority of it, many of the friendships I made were like-minded, overachieving individuals who became, in a sense, just as much competitors as they were friends. I enjoyed being with them as I felt sharpened and constantly pushing myself farther than I should in hopes that all that striving, it would push me to blossom into something more magnificent than I could ever imagine.
Unfortunately, that is a very me-controlled, me-centered way to live life and do friendships. Somewhere I realized that instead of moving, I was drowning, and the friends that I used to challenge me kept going even when I stopped. Good for them, I always thought, and in flooded the guilt and the hurt and the feelings of inadequecies.
I realize that friendships have a lot to do with relaxing. "Let's just chill" as the girl I babysit daily tells me we need to do. But how do you switch gears? How do you cultivate friendships that do, in fact, just chill? No need for weighty conversation and intentionality every time, just let it flow naturally. I desire this in my relationship with Christ first and foremost - no guilt coming before Him, no need for life change through every conversation, no need to be challenged and stretched upon every meeting. That way of living just isn't sustainable and isn't helping me do anything but be exhausted.
That's where it starts, with my relationship with Christ. When that falters into a guilty-ridden, success-driven kind of relationship, so do my friendships. So my prayers and my thoughts have been focused on allowing myself to be molded into this type of person. Not out of regret or fear, but out of a desire to genuinely accept love from my Creator, and in doing so, genuinely give and accept love to His creation.
Oh the difficulties of dispelling old habits.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
+time is a river, rolling out to sea
I'm blogging so I can keep myself accountable.
But I've wanted to go to the Grand Canyon since before Belmont. And I told myself I would go during college. And I failed. So now, new goal: Go before Grad School / LifeInTheFallWhateverThatIs.
I'm thinking Summer. It'll need to be (at least) a six-day venture. 4 driving. 2 there. Something like that.
I've put on reserve at the library every Grand Canyon Trip Planner / Guide / Map / Video.
Come with me! I think I can rope in Sarah and Kindall. The more the merrier (and cheaper and more entertaining). I'll plan everything!
"Last night, I had a dream
About a place I'd never been
Shining sun on fields of goldAbout a place I'd never been
It could be heaven for all I know
I close my eyes and then go back again"
-The Greencards
Sunday, March 7, 2010
+enjoy this night with your eyes closed tight and start to dream
This is a random blog post, but if you know me, you know I get sleepy a little too early most days.
So as I was looking through old family albums while I was home, I realize that this has been a chronic, life-long love of sleep.
So as I was looking through old family albums while I was home, I realize that this has been a chronic, life-long love of sleep.
Friday, March 5, 2010
+warning signs and weight of tired conversations
"JUST in case,
I will leave my things packed so I can run away.
I cannot trust these voices,
I don't have a line of prospects that can give some kind of peace.
There is nothing left to cling to, to bring me sweet release.
I have no fear of drowning, it's the breathing that's taking all this work.
Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone?"
What I mean, when I say, "I don't want to be alone?"
-Jars of Clay
I will leave my things packed so I can run away.
I cannot trust these voices,
I don't have a line of prospects that can give some kind of peace.
There is nothing left to cling to, to bring me sweet release.
I have no fear of drowning, it's the breathing that's taking all this work.
Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone?"
What I mean, when I say, "I don't want to be alone?"
-Jars of Clay
Friday, February 26, 2010
+something has me (oh) something has me
It is so interesting to be so doubtful for me.
I love control and I love knowing what comes next.
And, admittedly, it’s one of the scariest feelings to feel as though you’re really unattractive on paper. That may actually be okay, because it means I will have to work for what I have, but it is also sad because I feel like for a large part of my life I have worked to make sure the “me on paper” was attractive, appealing, and enticing.
But in the past two years, my resume and my cover letters have been rejected a lot. And it has been a good lesson in how the real world works. All I need is one job, so having lots of jobs not work out is really more logical than not. But it is still unnerving for someone who craves control so much.
This season of lent, God has been picking me apart and trying to get at my need for control, my need for power, and my need to make situations work in a manner of my choosing. I think more than anything God is allowing me to feel what it is to put things in His hands, because left in my hands? I’ll be a nervous wreck. I really don’t have a choice. So there are no congratulations for me, but more of just an understanding that I can’t do this alone (even if I wanted to).
Here’s to never knowing what is coming next!
Even though I thought I could figure it out :)
And that’s a blessing, I’m sure of it!
I love control and I love knowing what comes next.
And, admittedly, it’s one of the scariest feelings to feel as though you’re really unattractive on paper. That may actually be okay, because it means I will have to work for what I have, but it is also sad because I feel like for a large part of my life I have worked to make sure the “me on paper” was attractive, appealing, and enticing.
But in the past two years, my resume and my cover letters have been rejected a lot. And it has been a good lesson in how the real world works. All I need is one job, so having lots of jobs not work out is really more logical than not. But it is still unnerving for someone who craves control so much.
This season of lent, God has been picking me apart and trying to get at my need for control, my need for power, and my need to make situations work in a manner of my choosing. I think more than anything God is allowing me to feel what it is to put things in His hands, because left in my hands? I’ll be a nervous wreck. I really don’t have a choice. So there are no congratulations for me, but more of just an understanding that I can’t do this alone (even if I wanted to).
Here’s to never knowing what is coming next!
Even though I thought I could figure it out :)
And that’s a blessing, I’m sure of it!
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