+on holy week, spiritual warfare, and psalm 30:5

This week has been something for me.
I have feared and stood in awe of this week since lent began back in February.

Holy Week. Each day holds such significance. How do you stay in a remembering state of mind all day long? Was it easier back then when everyone observed this time of remembrance? Probably. However, it is has been interesting to recount the story - play by play of the last supper, the praying in Gethsemane, Judas' betrayal with a kiss, the trial Jesus was put on, and all the Golgotha holds--the beatings, the crown, the carrying of the cross, the nails, the blood, the weeping, the mocking, the laughter, the darkness, the curtain being torn, the tomb, everything.

I have never had days like this before - where nothing else matters. Relationships are awesome and I appreciate them a great deal. However, I am so unworthy. All that matters in this life is knowing this huge sacrifice that God made - His son. His very own. Part of himself. He allowed His Jesus to become a human. Everything I've heard so many times before, but it is all so relevant.

Anyway, this all hasn't been so easy.
Spiritual warfare has been a huge chunk of the time.
From laziness, to lack of motivation, to wanting to deny my own sinful feelings, to becoming apathetic, not able to relate, or to stop reaching out. It's been easy to judge other Christians for their lack of caring about this time of remembrance and it's been easy to become resentful.
It has taken a keen focus on Christ daily to prevent these thoughts.
Not easy. Not always fun. But always the most contenting and humbling experience.
I am so scared of the frivolity and fake joy that I may face tomorrow in church.

Oh, Lord that you would humble me more. Humble me to the point of knowing you and not caring if people have remembered You for all that You are or not. This relationship is about me and You. Let me celebrate that tomorrow. Amen.

Psalm 30:5 (the second half) says, "weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning."
Nothing matters. Nothing matters. All to Jesus, I surrender. I am His and He is mine.