When I focus more on my faith and my relationship with Christ, I begin to feel small and humbled and very open-minded towards others...naturally...it is the way that Christ views humans - as works in progress and people who are struggling and striving and learning. I like that view, I just have a hard time closing my Bible and dealing with the disparities between what Christians believe and how Christians act...
...me being the first one guilty.
But it is hard to be humbled in quiet then to view lack of humility. It is hard to gain perspective and insight and then to view lack of willingness to have perspective. It is hard to try to love and to be compassionate and then to view critiques and judgements. So I guess my version of Christianity makes me frustrated, struggling, and really just confused a lot of the time. I want so badly to have the mindset of Christ - the one that can view the world and not be dragged down and weary because of it.
I would love to go to bed at night and understand that God created the people around me and that all I can do is love 'em. Instead, I get stressed, I feel obligated, I worry about how other people are feeling, how they feel about me, how they are doing personally, if they are opening up enough, if they are wishing they were with someone else, if they benefit from being with me, and if I'm asking them the right questions. I do all of this without taking my days minute by minute and just accepting life as it comes.
My prayer is just to be confident in the actions I am taking, realizing that people may or may not love my actions and choices. People will always be disappointed or annoyed or talk badly about everyeone else. So why should I expect any different? And spending nights and days worrying about it will not get me anywhere. So here's to living in confidence and sound-reasoning!
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