+i'll put one foot in front of the other one, i don't need a new love or a new life

I love perspective. So here are some academic milestones for ya: 

In High School I was stressing about all the AP and IB exams I was about to take:
espereencristo.livejournal.com/2006/05/11/
Best quote from this, "I never knew what i was getting myself into. And now that it's done? I really don't think i could feel more accomplished." -18 year old Heather

In College, I was stressing about the 35 page Political Science senior thesis I was writing/presenting:
http://hlpie.blogspot.com/2009/03/wholly-unproductive.html

And now in Graduate School, looks like I'm stressing again. This time, it's comprehensive exams. The way our capstone course works is that we have 2 practice case studies before the actual case study is given on Friday, April 13. The actual comp? 25 pages summarized 6 core courses and all the brain power and problem solving we can muster. The practice versions? Just as rough. Without boring you with the details, here is the first and second spread I have had for days of writing:

If you need to know anything about how college are structured, how colleges come to be a part of the American landscape, how to assess or evaluate any program you have on your campus, the research on college students and what programs increase their involvement or engagement, or if you'd like to know how to get something done based on your college's organizational structure, I am your gal. That's right.... throw a case at me, I'm ready to tell you (in 25 pages or less) how to solve anything! Err... that is what the goal is :)

+i rise as the sun goes down and i play my tune, love and i find a way to each other soon

So I have a very good lookin' boyfriend who happens to live 600 miles to the Southeast of me. I would say this is the moment to insert pity music, except for the fact that when we do see one another, it's like Disney World as far as things we do and food we eat. And for the fact that in two glorious months, our lives will converge in Nashville once again!

That's right! For those of you who I haven't told yet, I accepted a position at Belmont University for the Summer time! I will be filling in for the Director of New Student and Parent Programs while he is on paternity leave with the birth of his 2nd child. I will get to help coordinate and manage the day-to-day operations of Summer Orientation! I know this means a significant lack of free time, but man, am I ready for the challenge!

But until then, Devon and I are adventuring to see one another as much as we can. Devon came this past week and we explored Lawrence and Kansas City and ate our way through the Burger Stand, Tryyaki, local KC BBQ, and more. Here are some of our Zoo pics and the last is from seeing the Punch Brothers at Liberty Hall. What a fantastic weekend. Ahhh, mini-vacations! :)

+dirt roads and dry land farming may be the death of me, but i can't leave this world behind

"Don't let the pouring rain temper your day by day, don't let the bones the closet may hold get in the way. After a long, dark night, bathe in the morning light. The savior return, the lesson you learn, you'll get it right. This is where we begin. Feels like an ending. Say it with no pretense, I'm tired of pretending. You know the life won't wait, you'll have to make your move. The choices you make, every awful mistake, will try to define you. This will be a totally new year. This will be a totally new year." 

-Matt Pryor

 Steaming hot cups of tea and coffee, refocusing every day on Christ, relationships that fuel my soul, and running for miles and miles and miles. These are the elements of my day.

There is a bit of a spring in my step as of late--not because I know where I'm headed in a couple of months, but because I have lost the need to know. Contradictory to my previous post, I have an eery calm that has settled in. Everything is going to work out just fine. Perhaps not in my timeline, but I know what sort of life I want to live and I know much better how to articulate that now.

In the meantime, I have been loving the depth of friendship that still has yet to be cultivated and still can be cultivated during my time here in Lawrence. I am learning so much from my friends. I am learning so much about Devon still, our distance days are numbered, yes, but that doesn't mean we don't keep getting better at this communication thing. Every day that we talk I feel like we communicate even better. If this is what our relationship can be at a distance, I cannot even begin to imagine how close we'll be when in the same town again.

There you have it. Part 1 and Part 2 of Heather's ramblings on her job search. And oh, how I can't wait or the day I get to explain what that job is. I have found amazing positions in the Nashville area... ones where it's impossible to not see how God has orchestrated things in his timing. God makes it easy to trust Him sometimes. But I'll save that for later. Snap back to reality... Devon visits Kansas this week! There is a spring break ahead of me (last one as a student, for real this time though...) which I believe will take me back to the good state of Minnesota (Minn-eh-soh-tah). My friends are conducting nationwide job searches that I am vicariously living through. I am training for multiple races and coaching some lovely ladies and gents along the way. I still love my schol halls and they are giving me a run for my administrative money (as if that were a phrase). Oh, and then there's taking comprehensive exams and graduating with that baby blue master's hood (!!!). Ramblings ramblings, and end scene.

+know when to stand or when to sit, can't stand to stand, can't stand to sit

"Love is making it's way back home, love is making it's way back home, love is making it's cold, weary way back home." -Josh Ritter

Well, friends, the time has finally hit - I am stressed about the next step for me professionally. I have felt so good to be able to avoid the stress until this point. February 21st, mark it down. I am nervous and uncertain. But I am lucky to have Devon who keeps pointing me back to God's plan for my life and is a constant prayer warrior. He is encouraging me so greatly and allowed me to gain more focus. Like I mention throughout this blog, I'm not big on transition--it rattles me up quite a bit. I'm a gal who likes to plant somewhere and grow some deep roots. I cannot wait for that to become more of a reality, but for now I need to embrace the season of life that I am currently a part of. I will try to keep my thoughts a bit organized and not let the day-to-day drag me down.

As the panel of new professional said yesterday, this cycle continues forever ("there is nothing new under the sun") and it's better to embrace then to run away in fear. Ultimately, I know that wherever I end up by the end of this year will be right where God wants me to be, and that is comforting and calming. Now if I could only remember that on a more regular basis.

+so don't be afraid to let them show

This past weekend I went with a group of 65 students on a diversity retreat called "Colors of KU." I did not know what to expect - the graduate student in me assumed it would be full of lectures and deconstructing media and societal messaging. Instead, the weekend was full of simulations, feeling oppressed, the opportunitiy to give when privileged, and so many lessons in the power of the group. I learned individual stories, met folks I'd never probably meet in other setttings, and gained new perspectives that I won't quickly forget. So happy to have gone, so much to process, even still. I know I've been silent on the blogging front, but that is what has been occupying my thoughts mostly lately!

Colors of KU Family Group

The whole group at Colors of KU, Tall Oaks Conference Center

+figuring out whose team are we on

For my capstone seminar course in grad school, we are readings reflections of student affairs administrators dealing with the civil rights movement and surrounding historical events in the 1960's and 70's. The stories are stirring many emotions within me--I am nervous that I will never live up to the confidence and courageousness of former administrators. Have I already missed opportunities in my halls?  I am excited about the chance to be the advocate for students. Isn't that's why I started down this career path in the first place? Specifically, I have been reading and re-reading these quotes:

"The cafeteria take-over was a learning experience for all of us, but especially for the students, and the university administrators. The students learned how to develop a set of demands and to negotiate a favorable outcome. The university learned to listen to its students and respond to a changing society. And I learned how to be a better administrator and advisor. The experience was valuable to me in other campus experiences and in relationships with students."

"Educating students must go beyond classroom learning. We need to provide well-organized activities where students can debate issues, hold forums, participate in student organizations, and provide feedback to campus leadership. The campus unrest at Oakland provided an opportunity for students to develop leadership skills and become engaged in the life of the campus. It was an opportunity for campus administrators to recognize that students can contribute and make the environment better. Racism still exists toda, although subtler and more silent, it is still as hurtful as it was in the 1960s and 1970s. Students need to be encouraged to talk about race and diversity, and institutions need to go beyond a surface kind of understanding about difference; they need to embrace difference."

Augustine Pounds, Oakland University (1971-1975)

+she knows which birds are singin' and the names of the trees where they're performin' in the mornin

I am about to make my blog private as I enter into job-search time of life again. If you would like to continue to read my blog, I have to add you individually with your email address. I know it is a bit of a hassle, but I feel like it is in my best interest to do so! While there is nothing on my blog that I would not mind a potential employer seeing, there is also no reason to openly have my entire life story since 2008ish out there.

So consider this your.... 2 days notice :)

+and this could take a lifetime, to believe in something true, but I hope that's not what I do

This week has been extraordinarily special so far, so things worth mentioning...

• My sweet friend Kindall Duke got engaged to her well, now fiancee, Nick!
• My presentation proposal (created with a favorite faculty member of mine) was accepted for our professional development day - we'll be talking about values-based time management in a couple week's time!
• A complimentary/encouraging performance evaluation with my supervisor (words and quotes get to me... words of affirmation much?) 
• Buying tickets to see The Punch Brothers here in Lawrence in March... with Devon! Meaning: I get to see Devon before I graduate!! I cannot wait for him to get here. Beyond giddy!
• We (the Minnesotans and I) decided that spring break needs to be spend back in the great state of Minnesota and so I have been dreaming of ice/white lands/Dunn Brothers/accents galore ever since.
• With some Christmas money, I purchased a new pair of Brooks running shoes and registered for the half-marathon in April. I decided that I would rather run the full Chicago Marathon in October (another Devon and Heather adventure-to-a-new-city). So for April, I will be training to run a half for speed. These new shoes get to experience some speed workouts!

+baby i've got a plan, run away as fast as you can

Community! An overused word and a highly talked about topic - especially in college and university land. But, when real community exists, it's hard not to revel in it's power and energy. I have spent the past week or so training, meeting with, leading, being surrounded by, going on runs with, cooking with, baking with, watching TV with, and swimming with friends. Oh friends, family, boyfriend. The photos below are mostly grad school friends and students - the photos don't say enough. Those smiles, those faces, those places... oh, they are getting me through the work and the struggles and lessons that come with taking on new challenges. God is good and has given me so much, and without the risk of just bragging, I would venture to say that community is what we were designed for as humans and that makes my heart smile!

+memory cravings

I get food cravings all the time - this week, it was hot apple pie, perhaps a la mode. Some nights I crave kidney beans, orange slices or McDonald's ice cream. It's always different and I have no clue where they come from. However, I was thinking about these cravings and I realized they don't just happen in regards to food for me. Instead, my brain will flash before me a memory, just a moment in time that I crave to happen all over again. I can remember everything about the moment. They are not big life events like graduating or moving or anything of that nature, they are every-day-ish moments. I figured I would share a couple.

1. I blogged last November about visiting New York and the Tsays with Devon. While there we did many of the touristy things - we saw Wall Street, the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, rode the subways, etc. But the memory that keeps coming up for me from the trip? The last day Devon and I were in town and went out exploring by ourselves. We explored around Rockefellar Plaza again and stumbled on some of the shopping area - it was busy and we did not have any distinct plan, but I somehow conned Devon into going into the American Girl store. American Girls dolls were a big part of my childhood, and it was so crazy to be at the hub of it all. I got to look around and enjoy while constantly being paranoid that Devon was spending his time in a doll shop. He was so loving about it all and smiling so big and happy that I was getting to be a place that held so many memories for me. It was sweet. And that moment keeps replaying in my head. I told you, nothing really that substantial, but that image keeps flashing to the forefront.

2. Another memory that keeps coming back to me is June of the Summer between my Junior and Senior year of college. I had just gotten a new travel mug from a mentor of mine - a really cool mug with writing on it. I decided to wake up before my desk shift and go to Bongo Java for iced coffee and a breakfast sandwich. Instead of staying at the coffee shop, I took my morning fare to the amphitheater at Belmont University. I sat in front of the Bell Tower eating my favorite foods and just soaking in the sun of a Nashville Summer. I had just finished my Senior thesis and I was staring at just one more semester until graduating college. It was a beautiful moment - I journaled, and closed my eyes, and enjoyed the morning.

3. And, while there are MANY more of these little glimpses that pop into my mind, the final one I'll share here is one of just about one year ago this week. I had gotten back to the state of Kansas after the Winter holidays and snow was all over the ground. I was terrified to drive and it was just so bitter cold. My friend Brianna came over to talk and we decided we wanted to go to Free State (restaurant) downtown (about 2 miles away, tops). We looked at each other and shrugged and proceeded to bundle up - scarf, mittens, hats, boots, you name it, we wore it. We then ran...not walked...down the restaurant. We laughed and screamed and made fools of ourselves all in the name of not wanting to drive, but still wanting to be out and about on Mass Street. I remember waking up the next morning with sore abs because we had laughed so hard at ourselves that night.

I'll try to keep up with the memory cravings (or whatever I should call them) as they come. It's important to remember the little things, and maybe that is what my mind is telling me.

As for the food cravings... yeah, I still can't really explain those!